I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
