People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
