We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
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I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
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Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
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