to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
