I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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