Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
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