I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
