you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
