My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
