at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
