Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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