if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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