I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
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