3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Randomize
