I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
