he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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