I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
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I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
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As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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