my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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