Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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