dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
