I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
