I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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