Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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