But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
