and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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