On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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