This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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