That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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