My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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