Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
