just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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