It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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