I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
