I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
