My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Randomize
