I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
