Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
