Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
