If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
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Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
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you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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