Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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