I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
