Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
