the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
