I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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