i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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