i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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