How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
