I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Randomize
