you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
