I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I have tasted many bathrooms
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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