i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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