Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
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At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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