i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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