I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
