i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
that's an acceptable place to lick
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Pants are for mortals
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
