smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
