It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
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