Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
