my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
