I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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