dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
