i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Randomize
