I cannot find my penis.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
