I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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