No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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