I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
